Parker Palmer on Inner Work

I now (after the experience of sever depression) know myself to be a person of weakness and strength, liability and giftedness, darkness and light. I now know that to be whole means to reject none of it but to embrace it all. 

Some may say that this embrace is narcissistic, an obsession with self at the expense of others, but that is not how I experience it. When I ignored my own truth on behalf of a distorted ego and ethic, I led a false life that caused others pain -- for which I can only ask forgiveness. When I started attending to my own truth, more of that truth became available in my work and my relationships. I know now that anything one can do on behalf of true self is done ultimately in the service of others.

Others may say that "embracing one's wholeness" is just fancy talk for permission to sin, but again my experience is to the contrary. To embrace weakness, liability, and darkness as part of who I am gives that part less sway over me, because all it ever wanted was to be acknowledged as part of my whole self.  -- Let Your Life Speak, 70-71

So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:9b-10

Can we help each other deal with the inner issues inherent in leadership? We can, and I believe we must... inner work is as real as outer work... If people skimp on their inner work, their outer work will suffer as well.

Inner work, though it is a deeply personal matter, is not necessarily a private matter... Indeed, doing inner work together is a vital counterpoint to doing it alone. Left to our own devices, we may delude ourselves in ways that others help us correct. -- Let Your Life Speak, 91-92

Sabbath and self care is an opportunity to recognize the link between our inner and outer work. Sabbath is opportunity for inner work alone or with others, as well as an opportunity to reflect on everything that makes up your outer work.

 

 

Too Cool to Care?

Have you ever noticed that it's an acceptable, cool, thing to be someone who can admit to being "bad" at self care? What really gets under my skin is when speakers or writers who have been invited to speak on this particular topic to church leaders seem to always start off by admitting how bad they are at it. They say this as though it's their badge of shame, or to seem relatable. It's way easier to admit your too Type A, too busy, too active, whatever, to really spend time on yourself. What the conversation about being good or bad at self care completely misses is that it's not about how good or bad we are at it at all. It's about fulfilling the Greatest Commandment: loving your neighbor as you love yourself. It's about living in the freedom of Christ, not shackled to our works-righteous-need to not only be good enough, but in complete control of being good enough.

One of the most counter-cultural things we can do as a people of faith is to actually care about ourselves. To be someone who not only preaches, but lives this -- setting healthy boundaries, saying no to someone so you can say yes to self care, organizing your day in a way that allows you the time you need to check in with yourself, refocusing yourself on your heart center - the love of Christ/the work of the Spirit... This lifestyle is not quite so acceptable as walking around with the burden of not being good at taking care of yourself. You have to be ready to hear and feel the judgement that you are lazy or selfish, even if that's not the case. It is in these moments where we can look to scripture and Martin Luther's writings for wisdom and validation. None of us are good enough. We won't be good enough. BUT Christ makes us good enough. God loves us anyway and says we are worthy of love. We are worthy of the love of God, the love of others, and self love. From this place of love, we can live for others, as Jesus taught us.

Let's workshop this a bit...

Because we are so different, we have different ways of expressing self care. So maybe you're too Type A. Well some of that is your own unhealthy relationship with work, achievement, and status, so some of your self care might be learning to face this reality. But some of that Type A personality is simply the gift of who you are. How does someone who likes to DO and GO practice self care? It might not be sitting and doing nothing, though it might be learning to notice when you are doing that, as we all must at different points in our day. Instead, your self care might be about being surrounded by close friends and laughing 'til your sides hurt. Or, going to the gym to work out a muscle group that you've been neglecting.

Self care is fundamentally about intention. How you practice that intention in your life is different and may change at different points in your life depending on the place you find yourself. The beautiful thing is intention doesn't weigh anything and can stay with you no matter where you go.

So when you find that little voice popping up to tell you that you're being selfish or you don't deserve the time/space/forgiveness/prayer/quiet/fun/work out/reading you really need, find a new voice. (Sing a new song...) Say to yourself, " __Insert name here__, YOU ARE A BELOVED CHILD OF GOD. God says you're worthy of love, so I'm not going to argue with God."

I want to clarify that self care is not the same thing marketers would have you believe. I'm not talking about indulging in a frappucino or going on a Treat Yo'Self-style shopping spree. Though tasty and fun, these are only shallow reactions to a much deeper need. Give yourself more credit than that. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT. Live in the grace of Christ, speak to yourself with that grace, and take time to learn what self care means for you. Then, live it. And stop talking about if you're good or bad at it. Just live it like breathing. (I mean really, who says they're bad at breathing?) Don't let the people who have failed to recognize their own freedom and worth drag you away from the life Jesus calls us to. 

Remember the words of Paul from Ephesians 6 and consider what this means in the language of self care:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power. Put on the whole armour of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armour of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace.With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Pray in the Spirit at all times in every prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert and always persevere in supplication for all the saints.Pray also for me, so that when I speak, a message may be given to me to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it boldly, as I must speak.

Amen.

Living and Resting

Read anything from Annie Dillard and see that she writes beautifully about the ways we spend our lives. What better time than Lent to take the time to reflect on our days - the days we have spent, the day we live now, the days we may or may not have to come... Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we are one and we are many; alone and together all at once. We live in the paradox of the cross. How are we seeing Christ in our midst? How are we both living and resting in the love of God?



To give credit to this art, and if you would like to read more from Annie Dillard who is quoted there, please visit Brainpickings.org.