Too Cool to Care?

Have you ever noticed that it's an acceptable, cool, thing to be someone who can admit to being "bad" at self care? What really gets under my skin is when speakers or writers who have been invited to speak on this particular topic to church leaders seem to always start off by admitting how bad they are at it. They say this as though it's their badge of shame, or to seem relatable. It's way easier to admit your too Type A, too busy, too active, whatever, to really spend time on yourself. What the conversation about being good or bad at self care completely misses is that it's not about how good or bad we are at it at all. It's about fulfilling the Greatest Commandment: loving your neighbor as you love yourself. It's about living in the freedom of Christ, not shackled to our works-righteous-need to not only be good enough, but in complete control of being good enough.

One of the most counter-cultural things we can do as a people of faith is to actually care about ourselves. To be someone who not only preaches, but lives this -- setting healthy boundaries, saying no to someone so you can say yes to self care, organizing your day in a way that allows you the time you need to check in with yourself, refocusing yourself on your heart center - the love of Christ/the work of the Spirit... This lifestyle is not quite so acceptable as walking around with the burden of not being good at taking care of yourself. You have to be ready to hear and feel the judgement that you are lazy or selfish, even if that's not the case. It is in these moments where we can look to scripture and Martin Luther's writings for wisdom and validation. None of us are good enough. We won't be good enough. BUT Christ makes us good enough. God loves us anyway and says we are worthy of love. We are worthy of the love of God, the love of others, and self love. From this place of love, we can live for others, as Jesus taught us.

Let's workshop this a bit...

Because we are so different, we have different ways of expressing self care. So maybe you're too Type A. Well some of that is your own unhealthy relationship with work, achievement, and status, so some of your self care might be learning to face this reality. But some of that Type A personality is simply the gift of who you are. How does someone who likes to DO and GO practice self care? It might not be sitting and doing nothing, though it might be learning to notice when you are doing that, as we all must at different points in our day. Instead, your self care might be about being surrounded by close friends and laughing 'til your sides hurt. Or, going to the gym to work out a muscle group that you've been neglecting.

Self care is fundamentally about intention. How you practice that intention in your life is different and may change at different points in your life depending on the place you find yourself. The beautiful thing is intention doesn't weigh anything and can stay with you no matter where you go.

So when you find that little voice popping up to tell you that you're being selfish or you don't deserve the time/space/forgiveness/prayer/quiet/fun/work out/reading you really need, find a new voice. (Sing a new song...) Say to yourself, " __Insert name here__, YOU ARE A BELOVED CHILD OF GOD. God says you're worthy of love, so I'm not going to argue with God."

I want to clarify that self care is not the same thing marketers would have you believe. I'm not talking about indulging in a frappucino or going on a Treat Yo'Self-style shopping spree. Though tasty and fun, these are only shallow reactions to a much deeper need. Give yourself more credit than that. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT. Live in the grace of Christ, speak to yourself with that grace, and take time to learn what self care means for you. Then, live it. And stop talking about if you're good or bad at it. Just live it like breathing. (I mean really, who says they're bad at breathing?) Don't let the people who have failed to recognize their own freedom and worth drag you away from the life Jesus calls us to. 

Remember the words of Paul from Ephesians 6 and consider what this means in the language of self care:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power. Put on the whole armour of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armour of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace.With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Pray in the Spirit at all times in every prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert and always persevere in supplication for all the saints.Pray also for me, so that when I speak, a message may be given to me to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it boldly, as I must speak.

Amen.

Sabbath Sparks

I've contemplated the meaning and necessity of sabbath for quite some time. It wasn't until last year that I became convincted enough to move into action about it. In the next few entries, I will begin sharing the personal stories that led me to sabbath action - Sabbath Mission. I will begin with an article I wrote for our church newsletter a few months ago. This gives you a general idea of the experience I had with some closing questions you are welcome to respond to in the comments or facebook group. In my next few entries, I'll write more about the experience as well as more explicitely about its connection to sabbath mission.

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“The desert is a dangerous place. Nobody goes there unless they really have to…” These are the words that begin countless Godly Play stories. These stories share the history of God’s people, where they came from, where they went, and most importantly how God met them wherever they were, guided them, protected them, and gave them a home. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, the wilderness played a critical role in these stories of lost, wandering, and lonely people. It was through the wilderness that God spoke; whether through a burning bush or by the words of an angel near a rushing river. It is in the wilderness that these people of God shed their past and entered into a new way of life, fully reliant on the one true God.

Most of us have, literally or metaphorically, had wilderness experiences in our lives. We have felt lost and lonely. We have felt the drive to go out, away from everything we know, to begin again with a new start, a new perspective. The gift of keeping these wilderness experiences metaphorical is that no matter the depth of emotion you may feel, the rest is relatively controllable. You can distract yourself with food, conversation, and the stuff of life. But when you step over that boundary by actually, physically putting yourself in the wilderness, you have chosen another layer of vulnerability. You no longer have the safety of distraction, comfort of your bed, or control over surroundings. You are lost, alone, and in even greater likelihood than before, physical danger. Wild animals roam. Weather is unpredictable and uncontrollable. Bugs are everywhere. Dirt is everywhere. It’s a different world than the one we usually construct for ourselves. Yet, we are created for, and even by, this very same wilderness.

This last July, I brought a small but courageous group of five on a wilderness excursion, rightly called: The Journey: Personal Transformation in the Wilderness. This rite of passage was developed by Pastor Joel Martyn for anyone 14 years old through adulthood. This experience is a three-fold process. The first stage is Severance. In this stage, participants reflect on where they have come from, what has brought them to the experience, and what they will need to sever themselves from in order to fully immerse themselves in the wilderness. Using the story of Jesus being led out into the wilderness after his baptism, we discussed and reflected on what it was we had to leave behind and what we brought with us to the experience. We were given time to sit alone and write out a list of all of those things. These lists ushered us into the second stage, Threshold, as we threw them into a low fire - a sign of our readiness to let go. From this point, after watching our paper turn to ash, we were led one-by-one to areas where we would spend the next two days and two nights in solitary with only water, prayer, and the Bible to sustain us.

This period of time was so intensely personal; it has been hard for me to find words to fully express what happened. I can say that I experienced what I had only previously read, straight from mystics of our religious history - The Word of God kept me full. In this time, the word “faith” took on a new meaning to me. Through the wilderness, God nourished my faith. Through the ups and downs, the points where I thought I reached my emotional and physical limits, the Spirit pushed me through, refining me with a new inner strength. At the end of this Threshold stage, when I found myself reaching a new limit of exhaustion and loneliness, I finally heard the call to return to camp. I said goodbye to this new, sacred space I had inhabited for the past 48 + hours, and trudged back down to camp.

We assembled back where we began, around the fire. After some discussion, we were invited into the third stage of our experience, Incorporation. When we felt ready, we stepped one-by-one over a line of fire where we were blessed in the name of the Trinity, into our new life. And finally, we feasted together. Fresh food filled our bellies. The joy of fellowship filled our hearts. We were new people, grounded in a new personal and spiritual strength, with no rush to be anywhere except right where we were, with each other.

No matter how different the wilderness experience may be for each individual; whether you join the next group on The Journey, or not, I know with a clarity I did not have before that it is in the wilderness places that God will find you. You will not be alone. You will be changed. Without wilderness experiences we lose sight of ourselves, we lose connection to the earth and each other, we forget our Creator, or God, who pulls us from the ashes of our past and repurposes us for a greater future.

When have you been called, or even forced, into a wilderness experience? How did God meet you there?

If you do not feel that you have experienced the wilderness, what is keeping you from taking the steps necessary to enter the journey? From what do you need to sever yourself in order to immerse yourself in the journey God is calling you to enter?

If you are feeling lost in the wilderness now, what are the limits you have reached? How has the Spirit pulled you through, even when you couldn’t yourself? What do you need in order to cross the fire into incorporation?

Will You Blog Along? And Other Options

If you've been reading along so far, you'll see I have a strong desire for conversation and community to accompany our 40 day experiment. I've asked for participation through comments here or at our facebook group and some sort of personal reflection through journaling or otherwise. If you'd like to use a blog for your reflection, will you share your blog address with me? I could also add you as a blog author so you could update your own reflections right here on this blog too.

WEEK 1: Gratitude and Letting Go - Day 1

This first week of our Sabbath Experiment begins with a focus on gratitude and letting go. I do not think we can truly have one without the other. Gratitude is not just saying "thank you" for something that makes us feel good. Gratitude comes out of recognition of the gifts that surround us and fill our lives; gifts that have nothing to do with what we have done to deserve them or make them happen. Gratitude, in essence, is a practice of letting go. Letting go is hard. Recognizing the beauty and gifts in our lives that have nothing to do with what we think we deserve is hard. Saying "thank you" and simply receiving these things, is hard. So we begin with little steps.

Martin Luther's Explanation of the 3rd Commandment

As we continue to prepare for our season of sabbath, consider Martin Luther's explanation of the third commandment. Luther will begin with an introduction and history of the Sabbath day for Jews and Christians. From there he moves into discussion about sanctification and what it means to "hallow the day of rest" or "keep it holy" (depending on your translation). He closes his explanation with a focus on the centrality of the Word. 

Working Definitions

We all begin somewhere. I've acquired quite a few working definitions of sabbath over the past few weeks. A working definition is the definition we work or live from, perhaps not exactly as written in a dictionary, but based on our personal understanding and purpose. I've collected these definitions to gain an understanding of our starting point. I'm not only concerned with the definitions, but the ways we describe these definitions for ourselves. 

If you haven't participated in the survey, or recently taken the time to write our your own definition of sabbath, I encourage you to do so now.... 

What is sabbath? 
Do you think of it as a gift, an add-on to the rest of your week, or something else? 

The Two Paths

Let's consider this blog our guide and meeting place as we journey through 40 days of sabbath together.

Because this is a live blog, I am aware that many of us will be strangers to each other. If you feel comfortable, please send me a message telling me a little about yourself and letting me know you that have joined us. I would love to know who you are and what this experiment brings up for you. My desire is that over time we will become more like neighbors working through our Sabbath Experiment together and supporting each other.

I encourage your feedback and responses. They will add to our community and add to the experiment.

Participating in this anonymous Sabbath Survey will provide me with useful information as well as serve you as a starting place. At the end of the 40 days you will have an opportunity to fill out a follow up survey as a way to measure your understanding, growth, and spiritual development through this experiment.

There are two ways you can participate in this 40 day experiment. As you begin this process, you may find yourself drifting between both paths. That is completely up to you and okay with me.

Choose Your Own Adventure: For those longing for less structure or already feeling that their days are too full for assignments, you will be on the track I'm calling "Choose Your Own Adventure". Each week, I will post a theme for the week. This theme will be your guide as you develop your own rituals, actions, remembrances, reflections, and more. Though this will be much more free form than the other track, I won't leave you hanging. I will provide a list of prompts that you can use during the week. Each theme will build upon itself. So, while the theme changes each week you are meant to continue the practices you began in the week/s beforehand.

The only things I expect from you are that you follow the themes, checking in once a week, and keep a journal of some sort for yourself where you can reflect through writing or art throughout the process. Depending on your goals for this experiment and/or how you work, this journaling may occur once or twice a day, or once a week. If you hate journaling and it's just not the way you work, please commit yourself to some sort of beginning response to the Experiment, where you're starting, and some sort of closing reflection. I'll write a little more about that later too, as we get closer to the ending of the 40 day period. 

Daily Order: Some of us need structure. Some of us need a stronger external motivation to hold us accountable to a process. I'm one of those people. While I've gotten better at holding myself to daily commitments as I've gotten older, I've still never been able to take a daily vitamin consistently for longer than a week. But instead of dwelling on those little failures, I've also learned to lift up the things I have done.

This 40 Day Sabbath Experiment will include a big push to practice self love and self support. While we may not be able to completely eliminate the dramatic voice in our heads counting every "failure," we will add the practice of balancing, maybe even out-weighing the negative voice, with an awareness of what we are doing. I will say more about this as we journey on this Sabbath Experiment, but for now, just muse on that idea. How will it feel to go through a day with an awareness of what you've done, not just what you've failed to do? How will it feel to go through a day without assigning value judgments to what you are or are not doing?

I will especially encourage conversation and daily participation with those of you following the Daily Order path. This is important because sabbath is as much about the community as the individual. We will build our community together on this blog, as well as participate in our face to face communities off-line. If this is too personal a process for you to engage in publicly on this blog, please consider me your partner in this experiment and send me personal messages. 

Before I close this post, I want to make a few clarifying points you may be wondering about.

1. My grammar is not perfect. Or should that say, my grammar is imperfect? whatevz.
2. I will only capitalize sabbath when referring to the Sabbath in reference to the Sabbath of the Jewish and Christian religions. You'll also see it capitalized when referring to the Sabbath Experiment. I will do my best to keep this consistent as practice for the actual thesis I'll be writing, but as mentioned above, it may go the route of the daily vitamin...
3. I'll be figuring this out as I go, just like you. I've got some research and ideas in my back pocket, but everything I write here may not always make sense or be successful for this experiment. That's even more reason for you to respond and let me know how it's going for you. Let me know what you tweak and why, how it works and how it doesn't, all that good stuff.
4. This blog is about more than me and what I write. As you grow more involved, please respond to each other in respectful, honest, even vulnerable ways. I do not have all of the answers, but together, we may come to some powerful conclusions.
5. I am Christian, but this will not be a blog littered with verses, stripped of their context to make you feel good or special. I will not use the Bible to proof-text every single thing I write. In fact, I hope this blog is written in a way that anyone could find something useful, no matter their religious beliefs or non-beliefs. Just be aware that my Jesus following ways will probably show up in one way or another. 

If you have any other questions, please let me know. I'll do my best to respond in a helpful and timely manner.

A Season of Holy Days

If all goes well, I will finally complete my Masters Degree this January. After a long road, I will be able to finish the final classes I need this semester. With this process comes the inevitable thesis project. The only requirement for this project was that it somehow connects with youth, culture, or mission.

While pondering the many ideas and issues that I could choose from, I couldn’t shake the one thing I’ve heard over and over again. I’ve heard this from parents, teenagers, retirees, and even kids. The message is clear and I’m sure you’ve heard or said something like this at least once in the past month.