Too Cool to Care?

Have you ever noticed that it's an acceptable, cool, thing to be someone who can admit to being "bad" at self care? What really gets under my skin is when speakers or writers who have been invited to speak on this particular topic to church leaders seem to always start off by admitting how bad they are at it. They say this as though it's their badge of shame, or to seem relatable. It's way easier to admit your too Type A, too busy, too active, whatever, to really spend time on yourself. What the conversation about being good or bad at self care completely misses is that it's not about how good or bad we are at it at all. It's about fulfilling the Greatest Commandment: loving your neighbor as you love yourself. It's about living in the freedom of Christ, not shackled to our works-righteous-need to not only be good enough, but in complete control of being good enough.

One of the most counter-cultural things we can do as a people of faith is to actually care about ourselves. To be someone who not only preaches, but lives this -- setting healthy boundaries, saying no to someone so you can say yes to self care, organizing your day in a way that allows you the time you need to check in with yourself, refocusing yourself on your heart center - the love of Christ/the work of the Spirit... This lifestyle is not quite so acceptable as walking around with the burden of not being good at taking care of yourself. You have to be ready to hear and feel the judgement that you are lazy or selfish, even if that's not the case. It is in these moments where we can look to scripture and Martin Luther's writings for wisdom and validation. None of us are good enough. We won't be good enough. BUT Christ makes us good enough. God loves us anyway and says we are worthy of love. We are worthy of the love of God, the love of others, and self love. From this place of love, we can live for others, as Jesus taught us.

Let's workshop this a bit...

Because we are so different, we have different ways of expressing self care. So maybe you're too Type A. Well some of that is your own unhealthy relationship with work, achievement, and status, so some of your self care might be learning to face this reality. But some of that Type A personality is simply the gift of who you are. How does someone who likes to DO and GO practice self care? It might not be sitting and doing nothing, though it might be learning to notice when you are doing that, as we all must at different points in our day. Instead, your self care might be about being surrounded by close friends and laughing 'til your sides hurt. Or, going to the gym to work out a muscle group that you've been neglecting.

Self care is fundamentally about intention. How you practice that intention in your life is different and may change at different points in your life depending on the place you find yourself. The beautiful thing is intention doesn't weigh anything and can stay with you no matter where you go.

So when you find that little voice popping up to tell you that you're being selfish or you don't deserve the time/space/forgiveness/prayer/quiet/fun/work out/reading you really need, find a new voice. (Sing a new song...) Say to yourself, " __Insert name here__, YOU ARE A BELOVED CHILD OF GOD. God says you're worthy of love, so I'm not going to argue with God."

I want to clarify that self care is not the same thing marketers would have you believe. I'm not talking about indulging in a frappucino or going on a Treat Yo'Self-style shopping spree. Though tasty and fun, these are only shallow reactions to a much deeper need. Give yourself more credit than that. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT. Live in the grace of Christ, speak to yourself with that grace, and take time to learn what self care means for you. Then, live it. And stop talking about if you're good or bad at it. Just live it like breathing. (I mean really, who says they're bad at breathing?) Don't let the people who have failed to recognize their own freedom and worth drag you away from the life Jesus calls us to. 

Remember the words of Paul from Ephesians 6 and consider what this means in the language of self care:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power. Put on the whole armour of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armour of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace.With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Pray in the Spirit at all times in every prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert and always persevere in supplication for all the saints.Pray also for me, so that when I speak, a message may be given to me to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it boldly, as I must speak.

Amen.

Living and Resting

Read anything from Annie Dillard and see that she writes beautifully about the ways we spend our lives. What better time than Lent to take the time to reflect on our days - the days we have spent, the day we live now, the days we may or may not have to come... Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we are one and we are many; alone and together all at once. We live in the paradox of the cross. How are we seeing Christ in our midst? How are we both living and resting in the love of God?



To give credit to this art, and if you would like to read more from Annie Dillard who is quoted there, please visit Brainpickings.org.

Vocation and Sabbath

Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening. I must listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about - quite apart from what I would like it to be about - or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intentions.

That insight is hidden in the word vocation itself, which is rooted in the Latin for "voice." Vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue. It is a calling that I hear. Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am. I must listen for the truths and values at the heart of my own identity, not the standards by which I  must live - but the standards by which I cannot help but live if I am living my own life.

Behind this understanding of vocation is a truth that the ego does not want to hear because it threatens the ego's turf: everyone has a life to live that is different from the "I" of daily consciousness, a life that is trying to live through the "I" who is its vessel. This is what the poet knows and what every wisdom tradition teaches: there is a great gulf between the way my ego wants to identify me, with its protective masks and self serving fictions, and my true self. 

- Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak 

Each of us bears a sense of calling, even if it is only voiced by the question, "Why am I here?" This simple question is the seed of vocation. We bear this question, or questions like this, every day. When we do not allow space to quiet our own questions, to sit in silence, to listen for the breath of life, the voice of God, we deny the answer to our deepest longings. We remain in a pregnant state, bearing the weight of the question without the birth of an answer or the life to live it.

Vocation needs Sabbath. Without Sabbath, vocation cannot be fully realized. Without Sabbath, Ego rules our days, our questions, our answers, our identity. Our ego fashions idols of immediate gratification, busying us, but never completing us; gorging us, but never really filling us.

We need Sabbath because we need the voice of God that sometimes whispers (sometimes screams) at us to realize another way to be. What are the truths and values at the heart of your identity that tell you who you are? Silence your ego, empty your mind, open your ears, and listen for the Voice. Let the great Intercessor, the Midwife, meet you where you are and bring life to the answers that await you.

Emmanuel, God is with us.

Cappella degli Scrovegni, Midwife Salome