Friday, November 21, 2014

Feeling Useless?

My daily hour with God is not a time of deep prayer in which I contemplate the divine mysteries or feel a special closeness to God. On the contrary, it is full of distractions, inner restlessness, confusion, and boredom. It seldom, if ever, pleases my senses. Even though I do not feel God's love the way I feel a human embrace, even though I do not hear a voice as I hear human words of consolation, even though I do not see a smile like I see a human face, still the Lord speaks to me, looks at me, and embraces me there. The way I become aware of God's presence is in that remarkable desire to return to that quiet place and be there without any real satisfaction. And I notice, maybe only retrospectively, that my days and weeks are different when they are held together by these regular and 'useless' times. God is greater than my senses, greater than my thoughts, greater than my heart. I do believe that God touches me in places that are hidden even to myself. And I do believe that when I pray I am in touch with the divine presence reflected in my heart.
- Henri Nouwen, Discernment

Sabbath moments can also be defined as "useless" in the eyes of the world. In some ways, it is because in these moments we are. We hold ourselves useless in order to attune ourselves to the ways God is calling us to be useful and to recognize the ways we are being put to use by God. But we have to stay for a moment, un-busy ourselves for a time, in order to be ordered by that usefulness of God.

Give yourself a "useless" time with God today. It can be one minute or an hour, whatever you feel you need.

Consider your most useless moments. Where was God? What gifts does uselessness bring us?




Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Rainbows and Bowties

"Rainbows and Bowties" was the name of a song I wrote when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. It basically went something like,
rainbows and bowties,
rainbows and bowties,
i love rainbows,
i love bowties,
hearts hearts,
love,
rainbows and bowties....
I was very proud of it and thought it summed up everything about life. Period. Of course, I drew rainbows and bowties all over the page too. I remember begging my mom to read it and so she did, out loud, seemingly unimpressed. How does she not GET IT?! I wondered to myself. This song is EVERYTHING!!! (This is why Rainbow Brite will always be my favorite superhero because she obviously got it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch her mission statement here.)

Of course, I survived. I've attempted writing music since, but honestly everything else has come up short. In one moment, I captured the essence of life as only a child could.

One of my dreams has been to write liturgy. I figure I'll get around to it some day. When I do, don't be surprised to see something about a rainbow in there.

So I write these little thoughts out today because this morning, during a break in the rain, I walked Lola. I was grumbling in my head a little about something obnoxious (blah blah blah, unecessary stress, blah blah blah) when I looked up and BAM. There it was - A full length, full color, rainbow. It wasn't the brightest rainbow, but it was solid. It was beautiful. I took a breath and reconnected, letting that grumble-grumble fall away. It has since begun raining again, but I'm okay with that. For a moment, a sabbath moment, I was reminded of something bigger and more beautiful than my stuff. Without the rain, we never get to see the rainbow. So I write this post in celebration of the much needed rain (drought! booo!) and in celebration of the unexpected surprises that stop us in our tracks (rainbows! yay!!!).

Where did you see a rainbow today? Or, what was your rainbow today?